Like many of the people out there, the past 2 years had not been an easy route for me.

It was a poor decision made as life had just been too stagnant for me then, and everywhere looks like a status qua.

But thanks to my fleshly decision my life had changed its course and it decided to be more challenging. (I decided to not go into details cos it’s the past)

2011 was a year of “valley of baca”, I suddenly felt like I had to go through challenges alone. I had to handle work and “life”single-handed.

A blessing in disguise happened, when I decided to meet my secondary school friend whom explained to me about things.

I decided to head back to church on the church’s 22nd anniversary.

It was the Word of God that changed my heart.

Life wasn’t like much easier after I decided to go for the church services, but God gave strength so I could pass by each day.

I decided to do something about my life too – physical health – that was, to gain weight/ mass. I engaged a trainer to train me.

I decided to quit my job and took a break… But decided to get one after that cos economical news was saying it will turn bad this year.

Overall, thank God for His grace that pulled me through 2011.

It felt like I’m counting down toward ORD 4 years ago hahahahaha… The feeling of “hey I’m gonna leave this fr**king place soon”, “I’m gonna miss everything here” kinda filled every part of my being even though I wonder if my other colleagues would feel the same. Even if they don’t it’s ok cos in a matter of time my name will be in their archive list haha.

“为什么这么冲动?!” (why are you so impulsive?) is the most frequently asked question pertaining my resignation…

If you’re not in the loop… Yes I’m resigning and serving my tender.

My colleague even came and talked to me regarding this while I had this decision in mind.

Basically… it was a mismatch of whom I’m working with.

I don’t mean to shoot anyone down cos while I was saying that, I have to explain further – it’s not his fault, it’s just that I don’t feel the growth or I don’t really “see” myself moving being there.

Perhaps it’s just a feeling, you’d say. Feelings aren’t accurate, you may ask…

But somehow… it keeps me thinking that my time seem to be “up” in here and I’d probably do more mistakes and prove more disappointments more than I could shine myself there. I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed to look for approval more than seeking myself to grow in work, of which the balance didn’t seem to be there.

Thus my reason for tendering.

I know it’s definitely NOT WISE to do that and I’m already feeling the pressure as the days draw near without having a job ahead of me. There are a lot of cases that I could think of if I don’t find a job right now.

But on the other hand, I know there is something to expect and there is definitely hope in the near future so I’m scared and not scared at the same time… How ironic.

I definitely need more prayers in this area. I need to find what I love to do and do it with extra mile without feeling tired even if no one is looking.

Hope to hear good news from my side here too!

It happens to me…

Career, relationships, and everything else…

Sometimes I do want to give up on everything, since everything is not going the way it should be.

I’m now really, in the state of confusion and chaos…

Don’t know how to carry on already.

Comfort song of the day:

There is nothing very new now, still working hard to get my muscles growing up (argh, hope it grows quickily!), getting my Japanese vocabulary right and spending time with myself in singlehood (I seriously need to get attached again lol) and enjoying the days of weekends just doing the things I love – sun tanning (when there is sun – it’s gone to hide these few months – fall season is here and winter soon. [What am I talking about? It's all rainy season ]), gym on Sundays and spending the rest of the weekends studying. Looks pretty much mundane here but it’s ok! I’ll take it as preparation for the future, that’s why I’m studying Japanese for!

Regarding to the earlier post I wrote last month, I actually got to consider what I should be doing for the coming future… It seems like, the time for changing career is not ready yet, so I’m sticking back to the old job I’m doing right now. Praise God, I mark my 2 year working job experience after graduating and it’s the longest surviving job ever since I graduated from my diploma.

Having said that, I actually got an offer from the company to extend my contract. I would have had wished for a perm but thinking about my near future, actually having an extended contract will be fine with me too becuase it is as good as working as a perm stuff. Furthermore, it won’t be nice if I decided to quit halfway after my boss decided to give me the perm position.

And since I’ve gotten the job, I’ve decided to delay my job hunting until I find it’s the right time to do so.

Actually I love the way things are right now, because it’s really been a roller coaster ride in my life around this time, a year ago… It really felt like a tsunami hit on me too… But thankfully, things are better now and life is as usual.

And although time has been passing so fast, I just can’t wait for December to come! I’d probably plan for a short get-away to Batam or something, if anyone is interested, let me know! Otherwise, by default, I’ll go by myself for some presonal refreshing time

Write soon when I’m inspired!

While things are seemingly fine and alright, I feel that I haven’t been moving on much in sense of growth and vision in my career path. While I still prefer the previous life, having the group of friends at work etc, it seems like I have been missing out quite a lot of things while I’m in the new place. I was still wondering if I’m in the correct place now, since now that there isn’t much company as it used to be…

Perhaps I’m feeling more lonely, since there wasn’t much people whom I know here, except for times when people come for courses and meet me for lunch etc.

The current work life is pretty much different from what I visualized… Perhaps, it’s a sign of time for a change?

I haven’t been making any decisions yet… In fact, I am still very uncertain of what I wanna do if I tendered my resignation letter. As I don’t want too much disaster in my life, I’m really taking this decision very seriously…

Although I have a very blur decision that I would like to do something Japanese (something that I’ve always wanted to do), there aren’t any precise job matching my qualifications and all.

Everything seems to be uncertain for now, that I don’t know what’s going to happen in 2012.

But God is good, He’s always giving me the assurance that He will provide in His time.

While my flesh still worries, my “intuition” tells me that everything is still alright.

And it’s gonna be alright, cos Jesus You’re my light. You have shown me Your way. All of my troubles, all of my life I give it to You my King!

I’m very thankful for a friend of mine, who has sent me her book entitled “God’s Call to Obedience”, although I am not the main target audience in her book.

Anyway, other than her book, I started to pick up this book called “Call Waiting”, where the author describes the vocations that you hold, are not supposed to be less inferior to the one that is in the “ministry”.

  I have been really seeking Him for my near and far future because nothing is really certain. People question about the economic crisis – whether recession will happen soon, like the coming year ahead… And with the personal things that had happened over the past two years, it makes me really wondering what I should really do so that things will not turn bad.

I have had many doubts cast in my mind… Sometimes, fear creeps in because of all these uncertainty. I’d told myself that I cannot have another “blow” for my life, otherwise I’d become bonkers…

But as much as God brought me back like a prodigal son by His word, He spoke with regards to what that is ahead of me. Some bible reference that you may find familiar with…

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6, Amplified

God places confidence in us when we do not have… And while reasoning in our mind, plus with all our “what ifs” which may not happen worry and creeps into our life, we feel afraid and bad. The doubts in our lives can become an obstacle for us to move forward (in faith). While I am still uncertain of the things in front of me, I am certain for one thing, that God is always on our side no matter what happens, so that gives me a certain amount of confidence and that takes away some of the fear which I was holding on.

I was also meditating on the latest song written by Hillsong church, called “God is able”:

Verse 1:
God is able
He will never fail
He is Almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Chorus 1
Lifted up He defeated the grave
Raised to life our God is able
In His Name we overcome
For the Lord our God is able

Verse 2
God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Bridge
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Ending
For the Lord our God is able
For the Lord our God is able

Indeed! God is able!

Anyway, here’s some updates on what’s going on after my birthday’s explosive saga (posted and sent to selected people only). The agenda was just to let them know how I disappointed I was, going through stuff by myself and not having anyone I used to call friends at my side when I’m passing through challenging times. I think I’ve just made the situation worse by the sudden ‘post’ I sent to them after not hearing me for like 2 years plus.

While I was not at all expecting anyone to reply, things had changed. I don’t know if it’s God’s timing and all that. I believe it was probably divine intervention (I still believe that could be the smallest ‘miracle’ that I’ve ever had after I left). After some discussion, sharing and almost-came-to-my-tears, I decided to “give God another chance” to change whatever that I think is necessary.

I went back to church last Sunday.

It was the 22nd anniversary in church, thus the whole service was longer than usual. Upon entering the hall, I was pretty amazed how big the hall was getting. Although it was the place where the thrice-a-year IT show was held, the atmosphere was totally different. Probably still in a shock, I had to take some time to adjust that it’s a house of God that people come and worship Him every weekend.

Anyway, other than all the not so familiar new songs and performance, and the ultra-wide screen, my greatest reflection would be when Dr Yonggi David Cho, senior of the largest church in Korea, came to share the Word of God. That was when, when the Word of God was preached, my heart was stirred much.

His main message of vision – by whom the vision is given, and how it can change my life, really spoke to my heart that Sunday morning. Although halfway through the sermon I began to feel a bit listless, I managed to grasp some of the points that he preached. God changes our lives when our visions are given by the Holy Spirit.

While that was preached, I had suddenly came into remembrance, that I still have things to do the Holy Spirit has given me. I don’t know the time, but I know that God is calling me back to finish His task handled to me. I need to receive His Holy Spirit to finish His work.

But I was disheartened by this message, because while I wanted to hurry things up, and wished that things would bring to pass as I had wished, it isn’t much so. In fact, due to my previous mishandled mistakes, I have to deal with this ongoing aftermath, and now it’s been delayed again. I casually asked God if He could just “take this cup away from me”, just like Jesus prayed.

However, I saw a link posted by my ex-Secondary school teacher, who is a believer, “When God’s Timing Is Taking Too Long“. That kind of answered my question – plus, I was reminded that people in the bible seemed to be waiting a little longer than I do. Thus, I’m quite glad about that.

With that, I need to re-focus on what is really important to my life – and above all, love the Lord with all my heart, and loving my neighbour as myself.

Loving my neighbour as myself. Very softly, I hear this words – I cannot love when there is un-forgiveness in my heart.

This is some kind of challenge and never ending lesson, as I ranted about my family disputes and all those not-so-nice events that took place.

I’m now praying for much grace. Obviously, I am not God, so I need some time to take away all those “rubbish” in my heart. Just to make it right and move on.

God’s ‘soon’ and my ‘soon’ is not the same thing! When you have a forever (God), everything is ‘soon’!

-Joyce Meyer

Yes! I promised myself, and will promise myself – to SMILE again and again… As the header says, “smile, even if you don’t feel like it! Lighten up. Laugh. Wake Up your soul!” What a faith proclamation, isn’t it? I got to make this a belief system, that when I don’t feel too good in any situation, I will just smile (even if it sounds lunatic [LOL] but I still do it…)! Life’s too short to keep pondering about those sad and negative stuff, isn’t it?

I had this wallpaper on my office computer a while ago and I thought I should use this again. This is really cool…

Thoughts and words are so important in your life… They either make you or break you!
I often got reminded that I should think good thought and say better words, especially to myself.

Check this video out too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWn4QF6dCwM&feature=related

New Directions?

After working for about close to 2 years, work has seem to be taking some changes, as I shared earlier that I’ve moved to a new team and a new project. Life is indeed easier, but it seems like it kinda don’t match what I wanted, which was what I used to have when I started… I don’t know if vibrationally I’m drifting away from what I want when I I visualized it 2 years ago before I came in… That goes the same for my personal life as well.. I suddenly feel that I need to make some changes in the ‘stirring wheel’ of my life… Which of course, I need to hear from my Big Boss above. Some prayer time needed!

Till next time!

My mind can hold images of the things that I want, as Bob Proctor said in “The Secret”. So…

TA-DA! I totally love this photo! This, from the website, is actually a $10 mil penthouse from Vancouver… Actually, I like both the staircases, here’s another one…

This one is from Austin, but don’t know how much though. You know my secret *ahem* fetish? Doing it on the stairs. *lol* joking. But they are really nice designs.

I would definitely love to invite my friends over to my house every week. Spread the food over this place.

A little brighter will be perfect, minus the piano…

Bedroom & office… Too stressed? Sleep!

More here!!

]]> http://addice.wordpress.com/2011/07/12/visualization/feed/ 0 addice penthouse austin livingDining kitchen bedroom http://addice.wordpress.com/2011/07/10/praising-god-in-difficult-times/ http://addice.wordpress.com/2011/07/10/praising-god-in-difficult-times/#comments Sun, 10 Jul 2011 15:04:48 +0000 addice http://addice.wordpress.com/?p=508 ]]> This phrase struck me the most when Jayesslee, Australia-raised Korean sisters, who performed at City Harvest Church as well as at TAB, shared their testimony when I listened to them online. And just this afternoon, I borrowed this book from the library entitled “Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do!” by Rev. Robert H Schuller. As I was reading the first chapter, as dramatic as it can be, he shared his life experience of what it was his family’s tough times when he was young. Man, I was totally blown away by his story, because what I’ve just experienced seemed to be tiny compared to his!

Anyway, after watching Jayesslee’s testimony, I really felt being promoted and reminded that God is not just a God of good times, but also a God of challenging times as well. Many had praised Him in their difficult times, and walked out of them victoriously.

There is no reason why we shouldn’t bless His name at all times.