No it’s not 12 days of Christmas…
It felt like I’m counting down toward ORD 4 years ago hahahahaha… The feeling of “hey I’m gonna leave this fr**king place soon”, “I’m gonna miss everything here” kinda filled every part of my being even though I wonder if my other colleagues would feel the same. Even if they don’t it’s ok cos in a matter of time my name will be in their archive list haha.
“为什么这么冲动?!” (why are you so impulsive?) is the most frequently asked question pertaining my resignation…
If you’re not in the loop… Yes I’m resigning and serving my tender.
My colleague even came and talked to me regarding this while I had this decision in mind.
Basically… it was a mismatch of whom I’m working with.
I don’t mean to shoot anyone down cos while I was saying that, I have to explain further – it’s not his fault, it’s just that I don’t feel the growth or I don’t really “see” myself moving being there.
Perhaps it’s just a feeling, you’d say. Feelings aren’t accurate, you may ask…
But somehow… it keeps me thinking that my time seem to be “up” in here and I’d probably do more mistakes and prove more disappointments more than I could shine myself there. I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed to look for approval more than seeking myself to grow in work, of which the balance didn’t seem to be there.
Thus my reason for tendering.
I know it’s definitely NOT WISE to do that and I’m already feeling the pressure as the days draw near without having a job ahead of me. There are a lot of cases that I could think of if I don’t find a job right now.
But on the other hand, I know there is something to expect and there is definitely hope in the near future so I’m scared and not scared at the same time… How ironic.
I definitely need more prayers in this area. I need to find what I love to do and do it with extra mile without feeling tired even if no one is looking.
Hope to hear good news from my side here too! 
